PARENT'S DISCUSSION GUIDE

"If you would be loved, love and be loved."

Benjamin Franklin




A PERSON OF CHARACTER

"You never know what happiness a simple act of kindness will bring about"

Bee Abel




CARING MEANS:
Showing Concern for Others
Do:
Be compassionate and empathetic
Be kind, loving and considerate
Be thankful and express gratitude for what people
do for you Forgive others for their shortcomings

Don't:
Be mean, cruel or insensitive

Being Charitable
Do:
Be charitable and altruistic-giving money, time, support, comfort without strings; do what you can do for the sake of making someone else's life better, not for praise or gratitude
Help people in need

Remember the T.E.A.M. Strategy: Teach, Enforce, Advocate and Model!

Teaching by example includes:
How we treat our children
How we treat others in front of our children
What we say and do in front of our children
How we lead our lives

QUOTES TO PONDER

"Make one person happy each day and in forty years you will have made 14,600 human beings happy for a little time, at least."

Charley Willey




"Anyone can be great, because anyone can serve."

Martin Luther King, Jr.




"A candle loses nothing by lighting another."

Anonymous




"Kindness in words creates confidence
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness
Kindness in giving creates love."

Lao-tzu ©




ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME AT TEACH CARING

Prime Time
Establish a time each day that will be "prime time" where you and your child can share stories of the day, be quiet together, and provide love and appreciation to each other. You may want to post your special "appointment" on the calendar or refrigerator. Establish a guideline that you both will listen without interruptions and then model quality listening as the parent. Here are some activities you can do in your "prime time":

Learning to Care
Look for opportunities to volunteer with your children. This can be as simple as taking food to an ailing neighbor, helping a senior citizen with yard work or helping care for a young child. In addition, you could talk with your child's teacher about opportunities for assisting the school with outreach to the community. Students could work on a service-learning project that provides food to a food pantry, birthday or holiday gifts for those that otherwise wouldn't have them, notes or letters to children in the hospital or visits to the elderly in residential facilities. Be sure to provide a time for them to talk to you about what they saw and what they felt like when they showed caring.

The Traveling block
When I started traveling with my work and my daughter was little, she painted a piece of plexiglass block - on one side is her version of mommy going off to work (complete with lipstick and pearls!) and on the other side is her version of herself looking out the window waiting for me to come home. At first, each time I had to be gone overnight we had a little ceremony before I left where she gave me the block and we put it in my suitcase. Wherever I stayed the block was always sitting beside my bed as I made calls home each night. As she got older and started going overnight herself to friends, or her dad's house, we began to reverse the ceremony and she took the block. Even though she is now 15, we still keep the block going between us when we must be away from each other. It is a constant reminder of our bond of love and caring and that we carry each other with us wherever to we. Shared by Kay and Kalli Swan

BOOKS AND RECORDINGS THAT HELP YOU TEACH CARING

Corduroy by D. Freeman - Picture Book
Two Good Friends by J. Delton - Grades 1-2
The Giving Tree by Shel Siverstein - Grades 3-4
The Gift by H. Coutant - Grades 3-4
Thank You, Jackie Robinson by B. Cohen - Grades 3-6
Maniac Magee by J. Spinelli - Grades 4-7
Rosie and Michael by J. Viorst - Older Children
Chicken Soup for the Soul Series of books - Adults

PARENT'S GUIDE TO CITIZENSHIP

"I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
But still I can do something;
I will not refuse to do the something that I CAN do."

Helen Keller




Citizenship is defined as "the position of being a citizen of a country with all the rights, duties, and privileges that come with it."

CITIZENSHIP

Be a good citizen and a good neighbor.
Care about the pursue the common good.
Be a volunteer - help your school and community be better, cleaner and safer. Protect the environment by conserving resources, reducing pollution and cleaning up after yourself.
Participate in making things better by voicing your opinion, voting, serving on committees, reporting wrongdoing and paying taxes.
Play by the rules.
Obey those who have been giving authority.
Observe just laws.
Honor and respect principles of democracy.

Children need to learn to be active members of their school, local community, and the world. A key concept children should learn is that with every right they are given comes the responsibility to exercise it in a fair manner and to work toward helping fellow citizens do the same.

Using the telephone is often the first or only means of communication a person has with other people. As a citizen of their family, every child should learn to use the telephone properly, safely, and with good manners. Even young children, with proper instruction, can be given the opportunity to answer the phone for the family.

Consider these things when your child is answering the phone:
Children need to understand that when they answer the telephone at home, he/she represents the family. Children should learn to always ask the caller to identify him/herself, who is being called and the purpose of the call. Give your child specific directions about when and how to answer the phone when they are alone; if someone refuses to identify himself; if someone says she is selling something; if someone says rude things. Keep a pad and pencil, or a small tape recorder, by the phone so children can write or record messages and not have to rely on memory to give them to you.

Consider these things when your child is using the phone:
Decide the people or places it is allowed for your child to call and specify the time of day they may call. Instruct him/her on how to identify him/herself, how to ask for the person you are calling and how to explain the purpose of the call. Practice what the child should do if they reach an answering machine. Practice how a child should reach you at work and how to handle emergencies. Teach your child how to use the phone book and the wealth of resources it provides in your community.

ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO TEACH CITIZENSHIP

  1. Model how a good citizen stays informed: reading the paper, listening to the news, attending local meetings of importance (including school meeting), and talking about issues as a family. When it's election time, show your child the different resources you use to learn about candidates and issues, and take your child with you when you vote.
  2. Discuss the options available to your family to help protect and conserve our natural resources. As a family, select specific projects and identify ways that each family member can participate. For example: recycling, planting trees on special occasions, participation in a litter clean-up. These activities provide your child with a look at the role of your family in terms of the larger community - which is what good citizenship is all about.
  3. Help your child identify that they are citizens of many different groups - for example: family, school, faith community, their community, their country. Help them understand that being a citizen of that group carries the responsibility to follow the rules and contribute to the group. Ask the children to think about the rules they have at home. Remind them that every family is unique and that the rules may vary from one home to the next. As they mention each rule, ask them to explain when that rule is important in their household. Talk about the other groups they are part of, the rules and why they think they are needed.
  4. Help your child identify ways that they can be "of service" to the various communities of which they are a part: family, school, city, country.
  5. A good citizen should know something about the history, geography, government, and other aspects of his or her country. Encourage you child to know things like: the name of our Governor, the state's capital city, what the symbols on the flag stand for, the name and words of the national anthem, what states border ours, what countries border ours, who is the mayor of the town, etc.

BOOKS THAT HELP YOU TEACH CITIZENSHIP

Peet, Bill - The Gnats of Knotty Pine (K-2)
Blos, Joan W. - Old Henry (K-2)
Colman, Warren - The Bill of Rights (3-4)
Earthworks Group - Fifty Simple Things Kids Can Do to Save the Earth (all)
Monjo, F.N. -The Drinking Gourd (3-4)
Lowry, Lois - The Giver (5-6)
Fritz, Jean - What's the Big Idea, Ben Franklin? (5-6)

QUOTES TO PONDER

"You are on the pathway to a successful life when you do more for the community that the community does for you."

Anonymous




"When you have decided what you believe, what you feel must be done, have the courage to stand along and be counted."

Eleanor Roosevelt - Parent's Guide to Fairness




"It is not fair to ask of others what you are not willing to do yourself"

Eleanor Roosevelt




IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!

This is a common statement hard in our schools and homes. Usually when you hear this from a child, it probably means that the child didn't receive something he/she thinks was deserved.

A child's beliefs about what he/she should get are based on expectations from:

Remember that children tend to react rather than reflect and sometimes their judgements can be oversimplified.

Fairness and justice are twin concepts that are concerned with processes and consequences. Decisions based on these concepts acknowledge and deal with such thinks as equity, quality, openness, and consistency.

As a parent you can help your child have realistic expectations by:

  1. Making expectations as clear and predictable as possible
  2. Giving adequate explanation when there is a change
  3. Involving children in creating the rules they are to follow
  4. Explaining that although certain rights are due everyone equally, others are earned with age and increased responsibility

Children will often get quite angry when they feel something isn't fair, as parents we need to understand that this anger is most likely the result of some other emotion such as:
frustration, pain, helplessness, disappointment, even jealousy - this emotion is usually triggered when an expectation is not met. Children must be taught that absolute equality is not always desirable, that an action must be judged by intent as well as outcome, and that circumstances change and expectations cannot always be fulfilled.

Help your child practice the following ways to promote fairness:

QUOTES TO PONDER

"I have a dream my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Martin Luther King Jr.




"The chief vice of many people consists not in doing evil, but in permitting it."

Anonymous




ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO TEACH FAIRNESS

THE GOLDEN RULE in one version or another, has a prominent place in all major religions.

Discuss with your children: How could you apply the Golden Rule to actions at home and school?

  1. Provide opportunities for you child to participate in making family decisions where you need to involve everyone's input. For example choosing a place to go out to eat: set the parameters (cost, time involved, etc.),
  2. Does Fair mean EQUAL???? As a family, have each person answer the following questions from their perspective, discuss how decisions feel differently from different perspectives. Talk about ways that you can clearly set expectations so that decisions don't feel unfair.

    • Is it fair to have different bedtimes for different family members?
    • Is it fair for some family members to have more chores than others?
    • Can you think of a time when it would be fair for one family member to get more attention than the others?
    • Have your family members think of examples at school, home or in the community where the answer to "Fair=Equal?" may sometimes be "yes" and sometimes by "no."

  3. Find opportunities to discuss with your children examples of when people are not treated fairly (ex. Historical treatment of people with disabilities; racism, homelessness, hungry, pollution, etc.) Help children identify ways that they can help make life a little better and a little more fair for these populations. Use opportunities through civic and service organizations such as Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts, Campfire, 4-H for your child to do service projects in your community.
  4. Model the actions you wish to see in your child and be willing to acknowledge and apologize for mistakes you make. Share examples of times when you felt you weren't treated fairly and how to dealt with them.

BOOKS THAT HELP YOU TEACH RESPECT

Alexander, Who Used to Be Rich Last Sunday by Judith Viorst (K-2)
The Friendship by Mildred Taylor (3-6)
Nothing's fair in Fifth Grade by Barthe DeClements (4-6)
Sing Down the Moon by Scott O'Dell (4-7)
What About Me? by Colby Rodowsky (5-8)
The Watsons Go to Birmingham by Christopher Paul Curtis (4-8)

PARENT'S GUIDE TO RESPECT
A child is the only known substance from which a responsible adult can be made.

A PERSON OF CHARACTER

The essence of RESPECT is to show solemn regard for the worth of people, including oneself. The ethical duty is to treat everyone with respect - not to respect everyone in the sense that we hold all people in high esteem or admire them.

The Golden Rule

DO:
Treat others the way you want to be treated
Value and honor all people
Take care of property - your own and anything to borrow
Ask permission before you use something that isn't your own

DON'T:
Use or try to manipulate others
Mistreat or be mean to anyone

Acceptance:

DO:
Consider the character and conduct of others without regard to race, religion, gender, where they live, how they dress, or the amount of money they have.
Listen to others and try to understand their point of view

Nonviolence:

DO:
Deal with anger and disagreements peacefully and without violence

DON'T:
Use threats or physical force to get what you want or to express anger

Courtesy:

DO:
Use good manners
Be courteous and polite, say "please", "thank you", and "excuse me"

DON'T:
Use put-downs, insults, yelling, or making fun that will embarrass or hurt

WHAT CAN YOU AS A PARENT DO?

Teach - Enforce - Advocate - Model Use TEAM approach!

ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO TEACH RESPECT

  1. Would you like it?
    Respect is placing concern for others equal to or above concern for yourself. This is hard for young children to grasp. You may want to start with a series of questions about how they would feel in certain circumstances and then move to the Golden Rule. For example, offer a discussion based on...Would you like it if someone...called you a name; pushed you out of line; teased you, etc.
  2. Manners
    Talk about and demonstrate good manners including "please", "thank you", and "excuse me" and then give them a chance to catch other family members when they are using good manners and thank them for being considerate. Be sure you "catch" your child when he/she uses good manners, too!
  3. Respect for families and traditions
    Encourage children to listen to and learn from older family members, especially grandparents.
  4. How do we show respect?
    One effective way for students to learn about respect is to identify what it looks like. Provide an opportunity for them to hear from you how you show respect...to yourself, to your family, to animals, to property, to the rights of others, to our country, etc.
  5. Respect through Language
    You know the expression, "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me?" Identify an experience to share with you children of hurtful words you still remember from you childhood. Discuss with you children how they want people to speak to them and talk about how language - including the tone of our voices - can show respect. Examples to use to discuss your family's beliefs regarding each of these:
    • How does the tone or volume of our voice show respect or disrespect?
    • Has the way we address elders changed? How can we show them respect?
    • Are words of courtesy important? How do they show respect?
    • How does swearing show a lack of respect towards others?
    • How can our language show we are respectful of other people's abilities and feelings?

BOOKS AND RECORDINGS THAT HELP YOU TEACH RESPECT

"Being With You This Way" by W. Nikola-Lisa (Lee and Low, 194) [gr K-2]
"Annie and the Old One" by Miska Miles (Little, Brown, 1972) [gr 3-4]
"Flying with the Eagle, Racing the Great Bear" by Bruchac (BridgWater, 1993)
"Zeely" by Hamilton (Macmillan, 1967) [gr 5-6]
"Shiloh" by Reynolds Phyllis Reynolds Naylor (Atheneum) 1991) [gr 4-6]
"Racing the Sun" by Paul Pitts (Avon, 1998) [gr 5-6]
"The Star Fisher" by Laurence Yep (Morrow, 1991) [gr 5-8]
"Free to Be You and Me" conceived by Marlo Thomas (McGraw-Hill, 1074) book and recording

QUOTES TO PONDER

"Sir, I will treat you as a gentlemen, not because you are one, but because I am."

Attributed to Thomas Jefferson




"We show respect and teach responsibility by providing young people with the opportunity to participate in decisions that affect them."

M. Josephson




PARENT'S GUIDE TO RESPONSIBILITY

A Child is the only known substance from which a responsible adult can be made.

A PERSON OF CHARACTER...

Life is full of choices. Being responsible means being in charge of our choices and , thus, our lives. Responsibility requires us to recognize that what we do, and what we don't do, matters and that we are morally responsible for the consequences of our choices. Help children learn that:

To be a person of responsibility:

Everything We Do Makes a Difference. What we say and what we do starts a chain reaction that affects the lives of others.

WHAT CAN YOU AS A PARENT DO?

Teach - Enforce - Advocate - Model Use the TEAM approach!

ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO TEACH RESPONSIBILITY

  1. Help your child think about the responsibilities they have every day in taking care of themselves: brushing their teeth, bathing, getting dressed, going to school on time, listening in class, doing homework, keeping their room clean, household chores, etc. Work with your child to make a chart of his/her responsibilities. You can then use this chart as a reminder, or use stickers or magnets for your child to mark when the responsibility has been done for each day.
  2. Work on responsibility with pets that you may have in your home. Make a list of the special needs your pet has and talk about who needs to be responsible for meeting those needs. Discuss the possible consequences to your pet if the needs aren't met. Make a list of the responsibilities and who will do them. Offer a rotation of the chores for your pet, especially if you have siblings that share the responsibilities.
  3. Talk with your child about the various ways that people get around in your community - bikes, skateboards, in-line skates, etc. Talk about responsibilities that go long with each and potential consequences if people are not responsible.
  4. Use a simple plan for helping your child make decisions:
    1. Stop - realize you have a choice to make
    2. Think - think about the people who might be affected by the choice
    3. Listen - listen to your feelings and thoughts about the choices and what your family has said about these choices
    4. Trust - you know the right thing to do. Trust yourself to do it
    5. Act - make the decision and be willing to take the consequences for the choices you make - good or bad
  5. Excuses, excuses - children often will have many excuses for not fulfilling responsibilities: "I'm too tired", "I forgot", "I'll do it later". Talk about what an excuse is and to what extent your family will allow their use. For example, if a child says "I'll do it later"; allow them to set the specific time they will have it done and then hold them to it. Be definite about the consequence about not getting it done by their chosen time - try not to argue with them - give them the responsibility and the consequence and let them make their choice!

BOOKS AND RECORDINGS THAT HELP YOU TEACH RESPECT

Berenstain, S. - Berenstain Bears - Trouble at School
Cleary, B. - Henry and the Clubhouse
Fox, P. - One-eyed Cat
Gramatky, H. - Little Toot
Mann, P. - Street of the flower boxes

QUOTES TO PONDER
"We are responsible for the world in which we find ourselves"

James Baldwin




"In the long run we shape our lives and we shape ourselves...And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility."

Eleanor Roosevelt




PARENT'S GUIDE TO TRUTH WORTHINESS

"We have to be the world we want our children to see."

Ghandi




A PERSON OF CHARACTER...

The foundation of trust lies not only in believing that a person will be honest, trustful and honor his word, but also in letting him/her know that you expect him to do so.

Trustworthiness encompasses the following four parts:

  1. Integrity - means your actions reflect what you say you value. People of integrity:
    • Stand up for their beliefs openly and boldly
    • Listen to their consciences and live by their principles
    • Are honorable in their actions
    • Have the courage to do what is right and try new things even when it is hard
    • Build and guard their reputations
  2. Honesty - expect honesty, understand that silence can be a form of dishonesty

An honest person will:

An honest person will not:

  • Promise-keeping - a vital moral aspect of reliability
    • Keep your work
    • Honor your commitments
    • Be dependable - do what you are supposed to do, return what you borrow
    • Show up where and when you are supposed to
    • Be prepared - do your homework and bring what you need to do your work

  • Loyalty
    DO:
    • Stand by, stick up for and protect your family, friends, school & country
    • Be a good friend
    • Look out for those who care about you
    • Keep secrets

    DON'T:
    Betray a trust

    • Let your friend hurt themselves
    • Do anything wrong - even for a friend or just to be liked
    • Ask a friend to do wrong
    • Spread rumors or gossip

    Honesty and Mistakes - Sometimes a person who is truthful can make a mistake and be wrong about what the truth is. Honest mistakes can hurt trust (they reveal problems of reliability or carelessness) but a person who makes a mistake is not dishonest. We reveal our character in the way we deal with making mistakes. A person of character takes responsibility for the mistakes; clears up any misunderstanding, and shows sincere regret for the mistake.

    WHAT CAN YOU AS A PARENT DO?

    • Make sure your own behavior is what you want children to emulate. For example: Do you ask your child to tell a caller you aren't home?
    • Make your expectations clear. Expect honesty and truthfulness, and demonstrate those qualities yourself. Then let each child know that you trust him or her.
    • Talk about trust. Be realistic, but avoid crating fearfulness of others.
    • Point out situations in your everyday life in which you trust others - drivers, store clerks, signs, each other, and so on.

    ACTIVITIES YOU CAN DO AT HOME TO TEACH TRUSTWORTHINESS

    • Use fables, stories and literature that teach lessons. Use news reports, TV shows, real life stories to illustrate what trustworthiness looks like, feels like, and why it is so important.
    • Play "What would you do?" Use real or made-up situations to present children with hypothetical conflicts to work out. These pretend situations give children safe opportunities to practice making choices and discuss possible consequences before they must make real choices that may have serious consequences.
    • Make a "Family Pledge" sheet where family members can sign their name to statements about telling the truth, returning what they borrow, keeping their word.
    • Build a "Tower of Trustworthiness". Use blocks and post-it notes. As the child does things at home that build their trustworthiness, write it on a post-it note and attach it to a block. As their actions multiply, the tower grows. If something happens that diminishes trust, take blocks off. Children need to know that building trust takes time; ad when trust is broke, it takes even more time to rebuild and regain it.

    BOOKS AND RECORDINGS THAT HELP YOU TEACH TRUSTWORTHINESS

    The Boy Who Cried "Wolf"! - Aesop's Fable
    A Picture Book of Abraham Lincoln - by David Adler
    Sam Bangs and Moonshine - by Evaline Ness
    A Big, Fat, Enormous Lie - by Marjoire Weinman Sharmat
    A Promise is for Keeping - by Anne Wade
    The Emperor's New Clothes - by Hans Christian Andersen

    QUOTES TO PONDER

    "If you don't want anyone to know it, don't do it."

    Proverb




    How many times can you lie before you are a lier?

    Unknown




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